A Letter From Singles

If you know someone who is in their twenties, thirties, forties, or more and is still single, this is for you.

Let me say what every single person wishes they could say, but don’t.

Please stop.

Maybe you got married young and are absolutely loving life. Or maybe you were desperate to get married and have a family. Just because you might’ve been, doesn’t mean we are. Sure, we want someone to “do life with” and be partnered alongside of, but that doesn’t mean we’re willing to settle for the next single person that crosses our path.

Just because they’re cute doesn’t mean they’re marriage material. Just because they have a good job doesn’t mean they’ll be emotionally supportive. And just because they’re still single does not mean they’re automatically the one for us.

You seem to think that the pickings are slim for us single people. They’re not. We just have high standards. We’ve chosen to wait, not because we don’t have offers or people showing interest. We’ve chosen to wait because we’ve created a life for ourselves and want someone who adds to it, not takes from it.

Stop feeling sorry for us.

If you found the person you want to grow old with and married them, that’s awesome! We’re all really happy for you that you’ve found that person. But don’t feel sorry for us. We’re not missing out on life and we’re not sitting home sobbing into a tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream because we’re single.

We’re taking solo trips, we’re spending time with friends, we’re making investments; and we’re curling up with a great book at night, thankful that we finally have some time to ourselves.

We’re giving our hearts to foster babies, local non-profits, and pouring into the lives of the people we love. We’re spending time within our communities, cultivating relationships, and we’re improving the people we are.

Just because we’re single doesn’t mean we’re lonely or sad.

This is one of the biggest misconceptions out there. Somehow this lie has been bought by many people: If you’re not dating or married, you must be lonely or sad.

Newsflash! We’re actually okay. We might even be enjoying this season.

This is possibly the one and only time in our lives where we get to be a little selfish – go to bed when we want, go out when we want, eat what we want, hog as much of the covers as we want, and spend money how we want. Please don’t feel sorry for us. Life is great and it’s a season we’ve chosen to enjoy. If that’s hard for you to believe, that’s your problem, not ours.

We’re not incomplete without a partner.

Do we want someone to share the ups and downs of life with? Of course! Who doesn’t? Are we incomplete without that better half? Absolutely not.

Family members and close friends tend to think we’re incomplete, but I beg to differ. I feel more complete at 26 and single than I did at 22 and in a serious relationship. I’ve learned what I want, who I am, and who I want to become. I’m happier with my single-self than I was with my dating-self. I make no apologies for who I am, what I want, and who I’m becoming.

That’s true freedom.

So, before you start feeling sorry for us or try to set us up with your strange single friend, please remember this: We’re happy, we’re content, and we’re joyful. 

We don’t need someone in our life, even if we want that someone. But to win our hearts, they need to be pretty amazing. We haven’t waited this long to settle, so please remember that.

No cliche statements are needed to encourage us. We don’t need to be told how much time we have to find someone. And we most definitely don’t need pressure from you to settle down.

You’ve chosen your path, now let us live ours. It’s our life, not yours.

Singles everywhere will silently thank you for keeping your unnecessary comments to yourself. Simply be the friend we need. Don’t treat us differently because we’re in a different season. We love you and your spouse, we’re happy for this season for you. We’re not any different from the person we were before you got married – with the exception of maybe becoming an even better person. 😉

Love us where we’re at and we’ll thank you for it. And when the time comes, you’ll be one of the first to know that our heart has finally been won by a person we can’t wait to grow old with.



3 Responses
  • Linda
    August 14, 2017

    Beautifully but firmly stated. You’re an amazing writer and, even more importantly, an amazing person. You are so loved!!

  • blessin
    August 15, 2017

    Had to post this on Facebook, so nicely put :). I am definitely enjoying my single season.

    • Manda Joy
      August 15, 2017

      So glad! I think it’s so important for people to realize just because they wanted certain things in life, doesn’t mean that’s what is right for everyone else. We all want different things and we all get them in different seasons of life. 🙂

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