It’s not me, it’s you.

This is quickly becoming a new commonly used saying…in my head at least. But real talk – how many of you wish you could say this out loud to many of the people around you?

I know someone who went on a date recently. The guy seemed nice enough and they had gotten together a couple times. On their second (and last) date, the guy began to psychoanalyze her and tell her what he thought of her. He told her she was too intelligent for him and would likely be better off with someone smarter than him. He told her that she shouldn’t be guarded and began pummeling her with questions. The girl was so taken back by it that she sat there quietly, debating whether to end the date right then and there or see if there was anything redeeming about it, at all.

After thinking about this story, I realized something about us women.

Sometimes we’re too nice. 

Sometimes we don’t want to come across as rude and in doing so, we let people walk all over us. In that moment, it would’ve been completely appropriate for that girl to promptly end that date right there and walk out.

I was relaying the story to my mom and she asked why the girl didn’t end the date. We dialogued about a few ways the girl could’ve rudely ended the date, and based on how things went down, she would’ve had every right to. But the response that came out of my mouth surprised me. I said:

Having the right to do something doesn’t make it right to do.

Sure, the girl could’ve been a jerk. She could’ve called him names, demeaned him, or been rude right back. By most people’s standards, she probably would’ve been “right”.

But just because she might’ve had the “right” to do something back, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the right thing to do. If I could go back in time and be in her shoes that night, I probably would’ve ended the date. I would’ve done it nicely, but firmly.

No man has the right to speak to a woman like she’s in need of a manager. We’re not objects, we’re not children. We’re independent women who got where we are without the help of a man. And if you want to be in our lives, you need to bring something to the table that we don’t already have.

And you know what that is men?

It’s loyalty, it’s trust, it’s support. For those of us who have a career, a nice car, and a good life, we’re not looking for you to be our knight in shining armor. We don’t need you to make us better. We need you to support us.

We don’t need expensive gifts and fancy things, we need to know we’re loved for who we are when the makeup comes off and the business clothes turn into pajamas. We need to know we’re accepted when we let our guard down and can be ourselves, fully and completely.

A male friend recently sent me a photo that said:

Strong women scare weak men.

Honestly? I’m 100% okay with that. I don’t want a weak man and if you’re a strong woman, neither do you.

We were made to support each other, not compete. We were made to inspire each other, not tear each other down because of our own insecurities.

Find the person who inspires you, encourages you, and loves you for who you are, even when you let your guard down. Those are the people worth investing in and giving your time to.

Love,

Manda

 

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