I have something on my heart I’d like to share, but it requires a little bit of a story to get there.
As some of you may remember, we were fostering two wonderful children. Little and Littlest as I referred to them on this blog. A couple days before Christmas, we received word they would be moving on to another home. We had no idea this was in the works and we went from wrapping Christmas gifts for the little ones, to rushing to pack everything for them in time for their move date. We had 72 hours from the time we received word, to pack up their belongings, prepare them, and prepare ourselves. It’s been a few weeks now and we still don’t know if we’ll ever see them again. After 4 months of having them in our home, it can’t help but feel….empty.
And yet, through everything, God is always faithful. I believe Little and Littlest taught us so much in the short time they were here. And likewise, I hope we instilled life lessons in them that they’ll be able to pull from when the time comes.
I found myself investing in children, who I knew, very possibly, wouldn’t be with us permanently. But I found myself feeling a sense of urgency to pour into them anything and everything I knew would be important for their life as a child growing into an adult.
Did we have enough time? No. Do I think we did our best with what we had? I do.
In my life, I’ve been through experiences that caused me to shrink back and decide that people and situations weren’t worth the investment. Part of why I chose to be single for this past year, is because I had been hurt and had decided I didn’t have the energy to invest in someone the way I’d need to for a relationship. After going through this though with Little and Littlest, I realized something much more.
Not only am I ready to invest when the time comes, but I can say I’m finally beginning to desire to invest in another human being to build a life with. I had the opportunity to heavily invest in the lives of children; children who may never grasp the sacrifice of what our family did, until they are married and have children of their own. Without even thinking about it, we gave and invested as a family, because it was needed. And truth be told reader, even as I’m writing this, I feel as though I’m having an epiphany.
For so long, I closed my heart off to the thought of investing in someone else, because it hurt too much and was too exhausting to watch everything fall to pieces after so much hard work. And while some could look at our recent situation with the girls and say the same, they’d be so very wrong. We invested, not looking for anything in return. We gave because that’s what God commands us to do. We didn’t do it to please anyone else, but our Heavenly Father – and that’s all that counts.
Having them here showed me that not only am I capable of investing, but now my heart is open to it. That desire to build a life with someone is natural and God-given. It’s taken me some time to get to that place of truly wanting to open up to someone and let them in. Yes, it’s a bit scary to think that I’m opening myself up for the potential to be hurt yet again. But I’ve also learned a lot about myself these last few years. I’ve seen the signs that scream, “RUN!” and I’ve also seen characteristics and traits that I know I need.
It’s amazing how something so heart-wrenching in one way, can be something so beautiful in another. Never did I think that letting the girls go would teach me how much I desire to have someone to invest in and build a life with. There is an emptiness in my heart without them here, but that same emptiness has spurred me on to realize how important it is for me to be open to those opportunities to invest in those around me.
Reader – I hope you don’t close yourself off to the beauty of investing in another individual. When you grasp how beautiful it is to trust someone with everything you are, knowing they trust you the same…I’m convinced few things compare.
Don’t hold back from investing because of fear. Ask the Lord to guide you, and He will. He is always faithful and His plans are always to prosper us, not to harm us.
P.s. I would love to hear from my readers, so feel free to comment below or email me at [email protected]! Happy Weekend friends!